Essay Submission: Coming Home

by Aliyah Difia Rahma

I once yearned for the time when I could finally leave my homeland. Being born and raised in Indonesia for 18 years of my life, I’ve experienced more than enough chaos throughout the years.

Ill-mannered people, a government with no regards for its people, communities that are shunned because they’re a minority. My homeland has not always been nice and warm to me. There are times when I despise having my identification card attached to the country “Indonesia”. Other times my voice would get drowned out by the masses, who create assumptions about Indonesians. This fueled my will to venture out of my country even more than before.

When I received an acceptance email for a university abroad, it felt as if years worth of praying was finally getting answered. I could finally escape the horrible deeds that taint my country’s name and further detach myself from my homeland, in the hopes of starting new.

As my departure date grows closer, I can’t help but feel a void inside me. Day by day the hole in my chest got bigger, one that I would have to fill once I arrive in a new country. My heart knows better than I do, that I couldn’t possibly feel at home in a place so different from mine.

It made me realize the things I’ve taken for granted here; things that are closest to me and have made me feel at ease. The language that I was used to, food that was familiar to me, sceneries I’ve enjoyed, and most importantly my loved ones. For so long I was blind to these things, thinking that it wasn’t enough to make me stay. Ironically, those things are what I'll look forward to most when I come home.

I realize that I might never fully adapt to the foreign lifestyle I’m about to experience. My 10-year-old self foolishly thought fitting into a new place and never having to look back would be easy. But now, I know that coming home is what I will look forward to; surrounded by my family and friends while munching on some of my favourite Indonesian food. This is a promise to come back home whenever I have the chance.

Edited by: Ameera Suib, Yelil Perumal, Yukan Perumal

Photograph: Gauri